Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
