Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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