why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i came on her dog
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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