Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
