if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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