She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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