oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
