so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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