At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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