Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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