I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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