My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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