He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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