Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
