omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
