Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
