Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
