Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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