Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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