I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
