we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
