'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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