my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
