Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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