Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Im part way to drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
