i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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