so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
