I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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