at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
