Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
