and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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