he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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