dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
