kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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