No awkward lesbian experiences without me
even my farts smell like vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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