ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
