my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
