I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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