we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
