I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
