last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
