all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
