i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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