i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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