I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
