Someone shit on the floor
i love accidental penises.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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