i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
