I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
