at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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