When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
