recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize