Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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