I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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