Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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