you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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