make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
