My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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