hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
please come you make the beer taste better
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
