I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
