That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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