he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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