sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
