I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The ass gains better be worth it
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