Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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