new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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