Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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