some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
