awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
