it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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