And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
