I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
