Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
