sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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