how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
