yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
