So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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