is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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