I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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