my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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