You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
