I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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