My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
