You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
