If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
