I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
