Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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