My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize