You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize