she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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