can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
