She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
