And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
