SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
