We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
