She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
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Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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