I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
